The Shell Of A Great Man....

He sits on the deck off the back of the house staring forward with a distant gaze, the world moving fast forward around him, but he remains still and acknowledges little. Still the center of conversation and the admiration of most he is but a shell of the man he once was.

Fifty plus year ago this man met a woman with several children already, can’t say they fell in love at first sight but how they must have loved each other to take on life that was already operating at a pace most of us view from afar. They went on to have children together making a dozen, yes a dozen children, all girls but three.

Early morning coffee in hand he heads out the door to begin the day. Working at a local mail delivery service courier, he still is at full speed, whether it is customer assistance or aiding a fellow employee, he was always the go to guy.  Driving home he still has work with him to be delivered in route to his destination.

His second job begins around five o’clock, his hand in the preparation of dinner or taking one or another of the children to one or another function. He may need to assist in a project or homework or a repair around the house. Holidays he also finds time to create handmade gifts and to decorate the family home with flare to compete with the neighbors of the most lights and animated decorations on the lawn.

It’s the weekend and he gets up at sunrise to begin the stuffing of things to do before the house opens and the children poor out or the door bell rings. The lawn has to be mowed, the pool cleaned and he still finds time to hit the garage to dabble in his love for crafts.  As with the most he did, his crafting was unbelievable, stained glass and macramé plant hangers and figures, little village buildings for grandmother’s holiday town display or the train that operates around the base of the Christmas tree.

Summer vacations now include grandchildren and trips to places like Cape Cod, the Grand Cannon or a trip to Maine. He makes sure all is supplied and the Winnebago camper is fully loaded and the pop up section is not in need of repair. He even washes the cloths at the river bed; imagine that, a task one would only read about in a history book.

As the years pass he still does not falter from being the one everyone counts on, he remains ever constant, the center of conversations and functions and at times if he is not there they seem a bit empty.

His love has now passed, he is alone, he becomes more and more withdrawn and now his life has jumped off the fast lane of the highway to the breakdown lane looking for assistance.

My grandfather once the center of the universe for so many now suffers from old age and onset Alzheimer’s.  He will always remain constant; loving, caring, motivated, strong, funny dependable and the list could go on and on. Even though he seems vacant at a glance I know he remains forever the man and not the shell.

I will take a slice of Parent.....(Slice)

I was born in 1964; older sister to one brother, one sister, but my family did not stop there. On my mothers side I had my grandparents and twelve Aunts and Uncles. Being part of such a large family, family size pizza was always on the menu, usually with a variety of toppings. I often thought I would order the same, but would find that each person certainly perfers a personal pan with individual toppings. So here is my slice..

By the age of eight I had been taking care of my younger sister, four years my younger, for my mother was a two job working parent and my hands were always a support. I was a weekend warrior for my younger brother; my fathers child from his second marriage, my status as the big sister was with him as well, even diaper duty:)

This experience came in handy when I began to babysit for a family in the summer of 75; to earn extra money for the things most teenagers wanted at that time, school cloths, makeup, an Atari game system, yes Atari :). I would pass most the time away; babysitting, listening to Donna Summers records and dancing with hair brush on the coffee table. The money was a great reward but have to honestly say I found myself enjoying the fact that I was taking care of the children and gaining the experiences.

June of 84 I graduated high school and went on to attend a course school; Training Development Corporation, were I first met the father of my first child and fell in LOVE. Did I think at that time this would begin the journey of being a parent? I would have to say yes, my maternal instinct or that internal clock was ticking to loud it made a resounding noise to be heard by most that knew me.

May 8, 1985; I gave birth to my first child, a son, 12lbs 11 oz and yes that is not a typo :). The conditions surrounding this experience were rough and not what one would expect as a first time parent. I had a condition called eclampsia and found myself in the hospital two weeks before delivery on bed rest. I started labor early that morning and labored for 27 hours, at which point I had enough and told my mother to get the doctor to help me. She had gone to the door to seek the doctor, only to turn and find that I had gone into a ceasure.  I do not remember anything from that point until they woke me and informed me that I had given birth to my son.

As a parent of one young man; I did hope that someday I could give him the opportunity to have a sister or brother to share experiences in life as I did being a big sister. December 8, 1989; the day of my birth, I gave birth to my second child. Most would find better ways to spend their birthday then being in labor or having a C-section, but I found it to be the best present anyone could ever receive.  A boy, 10lbs 131/2 oz and healthy.  I did not have any complications, I did not have any difficulty other than having to recovery from C-section. Due to the fact that I had a C-section with my first, they stated a C-section was more advisable. He was also 22 inches long and today is over 6 feet tall.

I had decided after the birth of my second child, a single parent for the second time and loving the parental way of life, I was worried about finances, housing, diapers, food and spreading my self too thing that I would not be able to be a great parent. After great discussion with my physician I decided to take measures to be happy with the two children.

Well four years later I found that I was having my third child. September 1,1993; I gave birth to a daughter, 8lbs 11oz and full of life. This delivery, also by C-section, was planned and well monitored.  I spoke with the doctor to ask how I was able to have a full term pregnancy and give birth to a child after a sterilization procedure.  He explained to my that some how I had become that 1 percent of women that after such a procedure is able to conceive.  This amazing situation only supported my thoughts; even from such a young age as eight, that I was destined to be a mother, a parent.

Today; February 25, 2011, continues my life as a parent of three.  The oldest is now in TX selling Kirby's for a living. My middle child is working hard, as a freight supervisor, unloading freight trucks in pre-sort for UPS. My youngest has amazed me every day; now a Senior at BHS, she also is a second year culinary student at UTC and has joined the Army Nation Guard. Does this end the parent trip, of course not, it just opens the door, now I just wait for the future days of my life and the continued progression of life and birth into grandparenthood :)

Memoirs Of A Special Woman

Several years ago I made a trip with my daughter back to my hometown to show her where I grew up and to introduce her to family that she has never had the opportunity to meet. However, the photo above is the memorial site that we both visited together of a woman known to me as TuTu, my grandmother. Several years earlier she had passed and this site was to commemorate her.

During our visit we ventured to my uncle's, he has a beautiful country style home in a town close by the town in which I grew as a child.   I have to say this visit became full of wonderful experiences and impressionable moments. In the picture above; that I took during my visit, this is the memorial site for my grandmother. A bench with a special notation engraved in the marble stone to sit and reflect to remember the woman I fondly called Tu Tu and the willow tree, her favorite tree, that marks the location in which the ashes of her are buried. I was unable to make it to her ceremony when she passed and I was truly disappointed for I felt I had no closure.  Having visited my uncle's home and this site has now made a lasting impression that I will carry forever.

As we all sat in the kitchen eating a selection of cheeses, crackers and wine, we all spoke of TuTu amongst each other and my grandfather who has come with us to my uncles that day. I recalled how just a year before she had passed that they had come to visit me in Maine.  She, my grandfather, my mother, myself and the children had made a trip to Acadia National park. My daughter had asked me on that trip how come I call my grandmother TuTu, I replied that when I was a child for some reason I called her that and it stuck. Seeing where I was the oldest grandchild all the other grandchildren followed suit. My uncle spoke up saying it seemed to fit for Tu Tu in a very short skirt and my grandmother was not but 5 feet tall.  I laughed saying well all great things come in small packages, he agreed.
I have now taken this photo; framed it; it now hangs on my wall in the living room and is the center piece for a wall of family memories and photos. I did so for all of her life she was the center, the main support emotionally that held our family together. As we get older and our minds become more rigid and less Sponge Bob:) I do suggest to everyone, take pictures, write down your memoirs, not only to keep it fresh for you but to pass along to others when the time comes.

Are You Going To Scarboro Fair (Childhood Memoir)

As a little girl, I would burst with excitement when my father would tell me that we were going to the summer’s first county fair. There was nothing more spectacular to me than the smell of fresh baked goods and getting spoiled with one of my favorite things to have a huge, circular, multi-colored Lollipop on a wooden stick, with flavors that taste like a rainbow's colors.

My grandmother for as long as I could remember had made dolls from remnants of clothing, strands of yarn, buttons, ribbons and any item of odd quantity. She had entered a set of homemade dolls at this county fair for the first time.  I remember wanting to see them for they were packed in a box that sat next to me in the back seat of the car, I tried to peak but was scared someone would see me and I would be scolded.

It seemed like days were passing as we waited for the judging of the dolls, we walked past several tables and viewed all the dolls that had been entered.  We finally came to the table were my grandmothers dolls were displayed, I could feel my heart race and my eyes widen when I finally looked at her entries. There were a set of three dolls; the first one had golden braided hair, with big blue button eyes and a yellow dress with big sunflower print.  The next doll had black strands of yarn that she somehow had been able to make big flowing curls and a dress bright blue with big poke a dots. As my eyes came to the final doll, I began to wonder had my grandmother had me in mind when she created this one; the doll is wearing a dress with lollipops printed all over, the same ones that I love, circular, multi-colored on a stick.  This doll had braided reddish hair, just like mine and big brown eyes just like mine.

My father and I joined my grandparents for some lunch, they proceeded to play some fair games and ride some carnival rides.  I just want to go back and gaze at the dolls again. I had truly lost my interest in most of the fair activities, excited to go see were my grandmother had placed and what color ribbon was on her dolls. On our way back to the display area for the dolls, I did get that lollipop, big, round colorful and yes it taste just like a rainbow. We finally returned to the display area, as we pushed through the crowd to get back to her table, I thought I was going to burst.  We walked up to the table; I was holding my fathers had so tight; a big Blue Ribbon was displayed on her table, first place.

As my father fastens the seat belt I turn to my left and there sits in the back seat with me, the three dolls my grandmother had entered and won first place for.  As we travel down the road, heading home my grandmother turns to me and states that I can choose one doll to keep for my very own. Can you guess which one I chose.............?  That’s right the one that looked just like me, or so I thought, the one with the dress of lollipops, reddish braided hair and brown eyes.

We arrived home, I grasped the doll like there was no tomorrow. My grandmother had asked me a short time later are you going to choose a name for your doll, I explained to her that I had a name for her the moment I choose her. She asked what that name might be?  I replied Lilly Lollipop. Lilly did not leave my side the entire weekend and for many years to come.

Fom Here To There Or Is It There To Here ( Tone,Travel)

The doctor has just told me, "Lisa you are in fact expecting" I never expected to hear that I was going to have another child. I would have to wait now, until I am far enough along to find out if I am having a boy or girl.  The day has come, "Lisa it appears you are having a girl", I begin to cry, the doctor ask, "Lisa are you in pain?" No I have never been happier in my life" or so I thought....the journey has begun.

Sitting here in the dark; I am flooded with emotions, remembering the first time I held you in my arms. Your porcelain face looked up at me with eyes filled with sparkle and endless openness into the world, your journey started that day. I just made hotel reservations for us and tomorrow morning we travel to Portland as you begin the next road of your journey in life, my little girl has joined the Army National Guard.

The sun has chosen to appear this morning; we load the car with our overnight bags and head to the store.  As we drive up the road, I look over to gaze at the fine young lady you have become and yet I still see the porcelain faced child with eyes wide open that I saw the day you were born.  You are so full of life; adventure, your individuality makes you the aspiring woman that you are and the amazing role model I know you are going to become.

As we reach the Augusta area it has begun to flurry, the roads are wet. I am glad we have extra windshield fluid in the trunk we are going to need it.  Here we go; just in time, let’s pull over and full the tank so that I can see the road the rest of the way to Portland. I am not sure if it’s the coffee or the anticipation of getting to Portland that has my nerves in a bunch or is it the pride and joy and he sense of accomplishment I see in you.  A red car has just pulled up beside us; you point out the driver as he is digging for what appears to us, seems to be gold, but we know it’s just a great big Booger, sorry if this is gross but how we laugh.  If there is a goal for me in my life, it is that your life always has laughter.

Even though we have now only been here twice, we pull off the interstate into Lewiston to visit with Betu and Raj and grab some lunch, I am starving.  As we sit in the restaurant the wonderful aroma of curry, Indian spices has my mind spinning and my stomach growling. I make joke of how you will miss simple food like this as soon as you have to experience military rations. Once again I sit back and watch you interact with our family friends, I am so proud of you it is overwhelming at times.

Off to Portland: we have jumped back on the interstate, you have settled back in the seat to take a nap, what will I do with myself when you’re gone?  I am going to make sure I take every moment from this point on and snap shot them in my mind so that I do not forget one smile, one laugh, not even one tear.

Wake up sleepy head, were here exit 46 and I can't believe we made it without GPS. The hotel is decent, I know you are looking forward to staying here and I am still a bit edgy but I am sure it will pass.  We check in and I ask you what now of course still with the little girl in you, 'Can we go to the mall?" how some things don't change. I hope they don't in some sense but can't wait for things to change so you may experience life and all it has to offer.

I am on the fifth floor and your room is on the third, how I feel that like the miles down the highway we are also miles apart. You have just called me to let me know you have a roommate and you and she are going to dinner.  I sit her now even though the room is well lit; the TV is on HBO, I am alone, is this how it feels? I know that you have to leave; I know that you have to go; I know that I have prepared you for things the best I know how, so fly away, fly away but always remember how to get home.

From Up Here I See A Sprout (Nature Descriptive)

I am sitting here with my cup of coffee in one hand and the garden hoe in the other. The smell of the morning has started to evaporate the dew, you can almost hear it as a slight sizzle.  I venture towards the flower bed all tucked in by the brown paper bag looking leaves that have provided the blanket for the winter.

As I remove the leaves the smell of earthy soil I already see the peaks of sprouts from the bulbs evidently I missed digging up last fall. The earth worms have also come to visit they quickly wind across the newly tussled soil looking for the escape back under.
Putting the pile of leaves and other items I have now cleared from the bed into a bag, tie it off and move on to the next. As I return to the flower bed I can not believe how in just that short of time the sprouts are now no long transluscent but pale green, almost like a green bean that has gotten water logged.

Uncovering the area I have also come across a small pile of bricks and have decided to use them as a boundary around the outside of the flower bed area.  The bricks have a weathered look and add nicely to the look of the area. As I place the last brick I glance at my watch to see over an hour has passed and almost like lapse time photography the sprouts are not green, not translucent, not even water logged.

Taking a moment I sit and ponder on how I will continue, do I want to go and purchase flowers, seeds, shrubbery or do I want to let the sprouts grow for I do not remember what they may present. A squirl has now come down and is lurking just slightly to my left and is chattering almost trying to add his opinion or to yell at me for disturbing his personal space.

I have taken a water fountain of Lilly leaves that has been sitting under the porch all winter and has tarnished just slightly with almost a mildew coloring. I place it in the center of the flower bed atop of a pile of broken various sized bricks, hmmm this looks really nice. I am trying not to take away from a focal point wanting the bed and the flowers to be the stars.

These sprouts do not need miracle grow, now they are almost smiling on the verge of having grown almost in a moment. I have been so blindsided by the sprouts that I am now just noticing that I have cleaned up this entire section of the yard and it is now lunch time.

My daughter just yelled from the porch " is it not bad enough that you have OCD cleaning the house, do you have to do it to the yard too"  You have been no help, I have done it all myself, just like the lazy sprouts that have been hiding under the blanket of leaves she decides to grace me with her presence after pulling herself out of bed at noon.

Sitting here now I hear birds and the squirrels tussling through the trees, the neighbors dog barking at the kids now playing in the yard across the street.  There still sit the sprouts, several of them and I have decided to let them have their day.  I am going to wait to add anything additionally to the flower bed.

There done for today, I am sitting here while the dogs run in the yard just like the sprouts that have been release you would think the dogs had just been given a new leash:) on life as well.  Yelling at them (the dogs) I warn them to stay away from from the flower bed. I feel accomplished  and I look forward to the days to come and the changes (glad I am not talking dirty sheet) that the flower bed will hold.

Parasailing Through Life What A View (Action-Observe)

I stepped out to the edge of the boat, as the harnass pulls tightly, I feel secure knowing that the support is there. I grab the arm of my friend who has decided to take the plunge, so to speak and so begins the adventure. Parasailing, I thought of it as a spur of the moment adventure not realizing how it actually related to the every day life up to that point that I had experienced.

The Boat kicked into high gear and soon we were looking at the world so differently. How blue and harmonous was the water below, yet in the distance and behind us we could see the frothy white caps of the disturbances from influences, the boat chopping through the water as it has us in tow, the current that fights with fists against the reef or perhaps the sea life that is rising to dispute us invading there world.

Now that we are sailing through the air, the sun was piercing, yet warm and comforting and lighted the view in hughes of color and clearity. I can imagine how the view would be different and how non reflective things would have been had clouds played prevelance in the day.

Parashoot is open and flapping in the wind all exposed yet keeping us steady and on the path in line with the boat.  Its color seemed crisp and almost had a smell, like the comercials you see for Skittles candy. I really could sense banana for yellow, chery for red, apple for green.

As the boat began to slow and we came closer to the ground the colors, the smells and the view became dull and almost stale.  I thought to myself how life should be like Parasailing, to enjoy such a view every day and to experience sights, smells, sounds and enlighting details should be a norm instead of a spur of the moment jump off the end of a boat.

Now with my feet firmly planted on the ground or boat, I should say, I wanted to imediately wanted to go back up and view life from the sky to keep the sense of clarity and objectiveness it seem to add to the experience. Now I had to change that view and incorporate  the experience into the every day life the future presents.

We have all heard the phrase "take time to smell the roses" I think that I would say "take time to go Parasailing" enrich your life with the view, the sights, the smell of Skittles:) and change your perception even if it is slight it could be life altering.

This is my view
From UP Here