Imagine this, could this be your daughter or son?

 

   Recently I took part in this discussion, feeling very strongly that offering my comments and view would give light that others would not imagine.  So the question is "Why would girls want to wrestle against boys?" "I am a strong supporter of athletics but this just seems obvious or does it?"

  The discussion covered a situation; a young man forfeited his chance at winning a wrestling competition, because he had to wrestle a girl. It received a great amount of publicity and controversy. I began to debate the true issue or the true reasoning behind what to me seemed to be such a simple situation.

  I offered my initial comment; I would look at it from a professional view, if they are trained correctly and truly are about the sport then it is the skill being tested not the gender. In most school settings from the beginning of sports interactions, both girls and boys have at one time played a sport of some kind on the same team.  Even in a leisure setting; the park, a family picnic, a summer day at the lake, I have witnessed a friendly game of tag foot ball, basket ball or some type of contact activity between boys and girls.

   I followed with; having a daughter who has joined our armed forces have thought of many avenues; settings, or circumstances, that would place her as a woman in a compromising situation, I only have faith that I as a parent have taught her and provided her with the mental capacity to make decisions and placement in situations that are based on the whole picture, but such is life and yes things do happen that we cannot plan or even imagine Now she goes as a woman to make the choices and to handle the situation fully armed not only to defend herself but women and our Nation.

  Others commented; “I would never let my daughter wrestle against males. The moves and holds they have to do are in no way appropriate for a male to do to a female. The male forfeiting showed a great deal of respect for her as a young woman. I totally agree with the previous comment. It was very sad to see that GENTLEMAN loses his championship shot due to the other team putting a female between him and his goal. He did the absolute right thing and let her win by forfeit. I feel sorry for him in a way as the other coach should never have allowed girls on a boy’s team.”

    So I think to myself; is it the thought that is inappropriate; have we become a society that reads into every physical situation that  sex is the motive; that a simple maneuver is considered groping and invasion of a females personal space?

  I wish I could have truly been the fly on that wall; did the families of the wrestling team get involved initially, allowing this young lady to be on the team, what was the schools position, what about the fellow team members, what about the girl herself, what if , what if,  how come?

  As a parent of two boys and one girl, I have tried throughout their lives to treat them and teach them equally.  I pride myself on the moral basics and the faith that each of them as individuals will make the correct choices and decisions.  In all honesty though; I feel, that life is changing and that every situation is just that an opportunity to make a choice at that time.  There is only so much planning ahead one can make but it takes just an instance for change to make a difference.   I still hold very strong to my belief that if this young lady was instructed and possessed the skill to wrestle in any situation then skill is the determining factor and not gender!

   So I present to you the reader the following questions; "What would your opinion or decision be if your daughter was on a wrestling team of all boys, would you let her wrestle, does gender matter, who is responsible for the issues that arise, you as a parent, the school, the team, the coach?" The questions are endless as do I think the answers or comments will be

Presence is it To Be or not To Be?

For forty-two days and nights, the sun rose and set and it seemed as if time was standing still. Most would gaze at the warmth of the sun and look to smell the flowers or for the bees that fly from each open bud gathering the nectar of life. To see the sun set and hope they hear that sound of sizzle as the heat of the sun meets the cool skyline and creates that vapor affect. Much like still life photography these moments, a still captured and should be revered as every precious moment should be.

There are many views in life that one would think inspiring and altering, but some experiences are somewhat faded or clouded by momentary judgements. This moment in time even though it was more than a calender month held both good and adverse experiences and tested the stamina and mental fortitude of many.

It was the day after the fourth of July, he and his friends had decided to take a hike up the path of  "Lovers Leap", a ledge at the edge of the Kenduskeague river here in town. The sun was up and shinning in all its luminous light, which caused hews raising from the water to the top of the ledge.  He wondered what a view and how it would look from just the edge of the ledge that over looks that entire area of the river. He stepped ever closer, as his friends continue on, one foot to far and down he falls. With the grasp of ever tree branch, trying to find a grip of ledge he still plummets to the bottom. He hits the base and like a rubber ball bounces into the middle of the river now trying to stay afloat and yelling for help.  His friends have now notice the absence and have heard his screams. A friend rushes to the path to slide down in hopes that he will be able to save his friend and the other quickly rushes and calls 911.

The real now flashes forward to the beginning of forty days and nights. The view not as scenic as he lays there in the hospital bed with tubes protruding from every possible part of  his body. The sound of the life support machines invade the room sounding like a marching band in rhythm almost hypnotic. The swarm of doctors and nurses that come in and out of the room are much like the colony of bees gathering nectar from the flowers in hopes to pollinate the answers or gain knowledge to help recovery. Sitting at the bed side hand in hand, speaking words of love and support in hopes that he hears you.

Each day now brings to light issues that were not there the day before, each test brings a result sometimes positive other times adding just another concern. Wondering what ever did one think as he stepped to the edge "What was he thinking?" "Why was he there?" and " Why not me instead of him?"  The cot that is now set up next to his, makes you wonder is he comfortable and is there anything that I can do to make sure his is, without his responding? As a mother one thinks that when a child is in danger or suffering, you would gladly exchange places.

The doctors inform, telling that each day on life support decreases his chances of survival. Did he learn or did he gain that inner motivation to overcome adversity? Its now thirty days in, he has begun to show signs towards a potential recovery. He has begun to open h is eyes and respond to your voice. The next day he now is pulling at the tubes in his airway and the doctor states they are going to remove the tubes to see if he will be able to breath on his own. Reluctantly the tubes are removed, he gasps and then turns to you and says "Hello". Have you ever heard anything more joyful, almost harp sounding as the strings of your heart are plucked. He turns to you and says " Knew you were here, could hear your voice and they become the wings around my heart that helped me survive" 
Within days he has now gone from a room full of machines, tubes, nurses and doctors to a semi private room with a shower and bathroom of his own. Not one person would ever imagine how a man, now reverted back to the need of having his mother help him with the simple things, almost infantile. Dressing, bathing and yes embarrassing as it may be but even assistance in the bathroom. Remarks remind him that this seems like old times and that it is a right of passage as a parent to take care of him in any way possible.

In July of 2005, my son fell from a 110 foot cliff, "Lovers Leap" and survived. Was I present at the time? Yes even though I was miles away the moment he fell I knew. I was there with him for the next forty-two days and nights, did not falter, did not leave his side and to this day I am still there for him no matter what.  There are those who have connection being a family member, but I can truly state that as a parent, the kind of parent I am I will always have that connection that presence and will always be bound to my children in a way no other can be.

The Shell Of A Great Man....

He sits on the deck off the back of the house staring forward with a distant gaze, the world moving fast forward around him, but he remains still and acknowledges little. Still the center of conversation and the admiration of most he is but a shell of the man he once was.

Fifty plus year ago this man met a woman with several children already, can’t say they fell in love at first sight but how they must have loved each other to take on life that was already operating at a pace most of us view from afar. They went on to have children together making a dozen, yes a dozen children, all girls but three.

Early morning coffee in hand he heads out the door to begin the day. Working at a local mail delivery service courier, he still is at full speed, whether it is customer assistance or aiding a fellow employee, he was always the go to guy.  Driving home he still has work with him to be delivered in route to his destination.

His second job begins around five o’clock, his hand in the preparation of dinner or taking one or another of the children to one or another function. He may need to assist in a project or homework or a repair around the house. Holidays he also finds time to create handmade gifts and to decorate the family home with flare to compete with the neighbors of the most lights and animated decorations on the lawn.

It’s the weekend and he gets up at sunrise to begin the stuffing of things to do before the house opens and the children poor out or the door bell rings. The lawn has to be mowed, the pool cleaned and he still finds time to hit the garage to dabble in his love for crafts.  As with the most he did, his crafting was unbelievable, stained glass and macramé plant hangers and figures, little village buildings for grandmother’s holiday town display or the train that operates around the base of the Christmas tree.

Summer vacations now include grandchildren and trips to places like Cape Cod, the Grand Cannon or a trip to Maine. He makes sure all is supplied and the Winnebago camper is fully loaded and the pop up section is not in need of repair. He even washes the cloths at the river bed; imagine that, a task one would only read about in a history book.

As the years pass he still does not falter from being the one everyone counts on, he remains ever constant, the center of conversations and functions and at times if he is not there they seem a bit empty.

His love has now passed, he is alone, he becomes more and more withdrawn and now his life has jumped off the fast lane of the highway to the breakdown lane looking for assistance.

My grandfather once the center of the universe for so many now suffers from old age and onset Alzheimer’s.  He will always remain constant; loving, caring, motivated, strong, funny dependable and the list could go on and on. Even though he seems vacant at a glance I know he remains forever the man and not the shell.